I know what you are saying…he actually went there. LOL. This topic is only at the request of my insightful readers. Let us all admit, that we have been there—debating how our heart conflicts with this topic.  Either in the category of love or lust, the desire for self fulfillment can be tiring, exhilarating, confusing, time consuming, and of course all encompassing.  Let us begin with love.  Love in comparison to lust isn’t always an immediate feeling.  Love is the desire to extend yourself to depths that you did not know were humanely possible.  It entails effort, personal sacrifice, at times loving quietly with no reward, and patience to see the fruit of your labor grow slowly. Love is also asking of another, what can I do to make your life better?  It also certainly requires you to make yourself better before asking another to do the same.  I am not only speaking about romantic love but also the love from those you hold dear. 

Love is a reciprocal relationship. It might not feel like a balance within a partnership at all times, because we alone can complete ourselves. However, it should be relevant to how we wish to see the growth we need in our life.   We all have a definition of love that we deem necessary for our spirit.  I am not talking about the list of characteristics that we “require” for love, because no human being can live up to a checklist. My reference to love is only to the quintessential needs (not wants) of your spirit that can only be quenched by permitting each other to be embraced in unconditional love over time.  It is not always an easy task to undertake--- the work it takes to stay being in love and loving you. The actions we undertake in the name of love ultimately not only influence one’s heart but our purpose on this earth. Therefore, how does lust fit in with the limits of our love?

The trick to lust within love is to somehow take this self-gratifying urge that we have to be selfish and point out the flaws in life or a person…to the manifestation of admiration for our soul mate and humanity. I have come to realize that beyond physical attraction, greed, envy, pride etc. Lust is also brought about when one looks for something that is lacking...not necessarily within another but in one's own life. The need for validation, acceptance, the desire to feel beautiful, inspired, or merely have one listen to our feelings may lead us to have a moment of clarity through lust.  However, is this fleeting moment of bliss better than something that can be sustainable?  If so, how long does it sustain you?  The root to understanding how we view lust lies in a comparison based upon what emotional experiences we have encountered in our past and how/what we deemed necessary to cope with our feelings for the moment.  Very few people can extract their emotion from the physical act of intimacy.  Therefore, I ask you to listen to your intuition to denote if there are characteristics that you wish to change within yourself or bring into your life.  Asking someone to change anything as a result of your terms of love maybe counterproductive.  We may see the change we wish to illicit for a moment, but true growth is based upon our own perception of reality and where we are with our securities/insecurities.  Even when you are in love, with the best intentions from each side, you will have to balance what is needed for your love language and toss aside what is fluff.  Nevertheless, the devotion to see it through is worth it. 

I know what you might be thinking… casual dating, lusting, and having varying degrees of intimacy are phases we all go through. The key word is phase. In the end we deserve something or someone that is more substantial…regardless of how we package the terms of our commitment. No thing or person in this life is a guarantee except for you and your choices. In the words of American author and journalist Judith Viorst, “Lust is what keeps you wanting to do it even when you have no desire to be with each other. Love is what makes you want to be with each other even when you have no desire to do it.”

For more love insight and info about creative ways to hold a fabulous romantic or celebratory intimate event, visit www.designingloveinc.com or email neal@designingloveinc.com. We are excited to have an office in Memphis, TN now. Thanks for all of your support and feedback in our expansion. Check us out on television on MSN with some of Pittsburgh, PA finest entrepreneurs at the following link: http://rediscover.msn.com/city/253392724